A Promise to Myself Before I Die

In the hour of my death

I want to satisfy and be satisfied

Not for leaving this earth, not for dying

But for the things I have done and heard

For the times I've traced the memories of my tempestuous life

For the moments in the anguish of the revelations I've discovered

For the hours I used to learn the things that came to me

Not always by the front door

But the back

Where things are seen and unseen,
faced and not faced

Alone in the dark, when it would creep into my weary consciousness,
waking me in the middle of the night
with messages of atonement

For the things I've done
without being conscious of the consequences

When the time was dark and slow
and one had time to think about things
and recollect the small moments of the day

With the daylight seeping thru the shutters,
it would open up a new world everyday,
it would welcome a new start

when I could try again to be honest,
to be smart and compassionate,
to be kind and allowing

My sleep awakened me to another life
where things went wrong and my attitude
went wry with misunderstandings

Then another day would wash it clean
and clarity would come back

And I would understand the why and the how of what I had to learn

The various experiences that held me locked , the traumas of childhood left uncovered.

And I would add it to my lessons

Each time looking for the answer in the puzzle of the woven moments of my life

It was in the times when the moon was full and the stars were hiding that my moods would change and things were twisted

That I paid attention to the intensity of the energy that would surround me

And ask myself if I did survive all the rarities that beckoned at the end of the day while I looked back at the messages they held.

Not once did I miss to reflect at the meaning of such moments for they held the key to my existence on this plane, the keys to the issues of my life, given by an understanding higher self who knew the big picture.

With this I say, as a reminder: let me cognizant of all the things that happen every day and each moment

Let me not judge what they are but look at them with a clear mind and say "this too I am" and integrate them in the memory of my experiences, the colorful puzzle of altercated life that I hold

For I want to be conscious of all the sides of life

All the fruitful moments of my existence

So before I die I can recall and say I've lived a full life
With no regrets, just choices, taken by one who didn't want to miss a thing, and one who didn't want to leave before I captured it all.

Responses

1 comment so far.

1. The Phoenix says:

   reads like a memoir.. heartfelt and bare.. very interesting